Saturday, January 29, 2011

Trials and tribulations...


Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.  ~African Proverb

Today I choose the picture of the Phoenix as inspiration to rise above the past week or so.  It has been hard and I am weary.  I cried a lot of tears but here I am, writing and grateful.

I am learning to be love in all situations and it is hard.  It is hard to be grateful when people can be so cruel.  I keep persevering however...I have fallen but at least I keep getting up.  In the "Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz he repeats many times to just keep getting up and trying because THAT is how new agreements become life as we live it.  I shed so many tears this week.  I work with some of the most hateful people on earth and that makes it very hard though I try to just offer it up (most of the time) and keep going.  It wears on me and I start getting negative so I have to keep regrouping.  To boot my dad got very ill this week so it's that much harder.

He had a cough for a few days but seemed like just a bad cold.  Wednesday night he suddenly couldn't breathe.  We got a foot of snow and he drops and goes blue-cue panic.  We called 911 and thank goodness they could get to us.  Ironically the exact same thing happened last year- same time and it was when we got almost 4 feet and the ambulance couldn't get here so I was SO grateful for less snow.  He has COPD and congestive heart failure from smoking- public service announcement from me here...if you smoke, QUIT- so he goes from ok to not breathing very, very quickly.  He's had it for a year but it's so hard to recognize and it hits very quickly and there is little warning.  What is just a cold for some turns into an emergency for him literally in minutes- it is so frightening.  This year the cold went into pneumonia in a matter of a day and caused his lungs to fill and his heart to fail.  They took 16 lbs of fluid out of his lungs so far.  Last year he fought us for two days and refused to go to the hospital.  Not knowing what it was (he hadn't been diagnosed with either at that point) we relented.  It almost killed him.  He suddenly stopped breathing on us just like this year but then went septic and wound up with MRSA.  This time he had no choice- go estrogen-lol!

So, work.  I don't get mean people.  I don't know why people want to hurt each other and make each other suffer.  I am going to keep working really, really hard on staying positive and finding something to be grateful for in each situation.  For what was done to me Thursday, I am just grateful that I am not the persons who did it to me.  I am grateful I don't have the capacity to be cruel to someone like that AND so grateful that I am learning from so many wonderful people how to let things like this go and clear.  I am trusting the Universe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and I accept their black energy and send it back to the Universe as light to return to me with love.  I am strong and I story to me that I am better than the negativity. I story that I can rise above it and float on love as I will not be there much longer because this is a learning experience for my higher purpose- that this is needed for my journey.  I know I am going back to school and I am doing as Spirit wills and I am my purpose because I am worthy. 

I am grateful to those of you who read and I send you love and light and peace.  I feel so blessed to have you on this journey with me and that you care enough to walk with me on it.  Namaste

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

1-11-11

beatles musician musicians band bands lennon mccartney

It's my birthday 1-11-11...cue the Beatles riff..."It is your birthday...happy birthday to you".

What a cool day to be me.  I have been playing with numbers since I realized my birthday was going to be on 1-11-11 and that I would only see that once.  I have had a blast twisting and turning the numbers to keep "proving" to my mind that the equations all equal a huge shift for me to the positive.  I wanted to share a few I came up with. 

1. 1-11-2011 adds up to 7.  This is the 7th yr in a cycle of pain and misfortune-it's ending-I feel it
2. I am 38 today and 3+8=11 which is today's date
3. My birthday equals 7 this year and mom's equals 11...her birthday is Jan 7th-mine the 11th.
4. 1-11-2012=8.  7+1=8 and it's the first year of the new cycle so rightfully it is eight.
5. On 1-11-2012 I will be 39- 3+9=12...in the year 12 which is the first year of the new cycle.
6. One of my fav musicians is born on 4-8 and that also equals 12...ok that one is random but you get the pic

Everything keeps adding up...everything.  I am so excited and so grateful to be a part of it all.  I cannot wait to see what life holds as I move through this year of transition which is already amazing.  I have to stay focused and positive and be ready for the gifts the Universe is bestowing on me already.  I am so grateful to all who have helped in this journey and so excited to share my positivity and lessons with anyone the Universe sends my way who needs them.

Namaste

Sunday, January 9, 2011

A Week In



Week one...done!!  I made it and I am grateful and excited.  I manifested love, peace and positivity all week and it manifested in me.  I only got upset at work one time and for a total of maybe 5 minutes. While I was a bit disappointed in myself for letting someone get to me I decided not to look at it that way.  ONE person got me for a few minutes...the rest of the week I was patient and positive and that's HUGE!  I don't story for me that I let myself down, I story that on EVERY other call and situation I was THE BOMB!!   It's a work in progress and a discipline but I am good at both so I got this...

Now starts week two.  I am focused and studying and clearing regularly.  Cleaning my stones with sea salt to wash away any negativity and smudging.  It's year seven...a common theme for me this year and again I am just grateful.  The shift is here and this past week I lost six pounds.  I wasn't kidding; EVERYTHING is different.  So, off I go again tomorrow to keep being me.  I also decided to do things for me this year, like taking off my birthday Tuesday.  1-11-11 is only coming once in my lifetime so I'm going to celebrate it with a hike if the weather holds out.  Maybe accupuncture too...we'll see.

It's very empowering to learn you can surround yourself with an aura of positivity and to see the Universe give it back. It's a miracle really and I am grateful to Andi for teaching me to manifest and to Creator for making me with enough curiosity to try it AND giving me an open mind.  I am most grateful to all those who have hurt me so much.  You have taught me who I don't want to be and help me to clearly see the goodness in the world.   I am also grateful to those I find annoying and mean spirited who test my resolve and make me work harder at storying something loving about them to change my mindset.  You challenge me to be better and I love you for that. 

I'm doing it...yay me!

Peace

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Well, begining again





It's a new year- thank God.  It's the seventh in my cycle of pain and loss and I am so incredibly grateful.  Mercury retrograde has hidden it's difficult shadow and I am moving on.  I feel it in my bones.  I asked for cleansing for the new year and boy have I gotten it.  Body, mind and spirit.  I wondered if I had the fastest setting stomach virus in history when I woke up yesterday morning with a literal cleansing that has lasted 24 hours.  I feel great otherwise so I know it's the Universe symbolically convincing me everything is different.  Because I'm literal, a Capricorn and of the female genus sometimes I need a brick to the head...there I said it.

This year is different.  My bithday is 1-11-11...and it's year seven.  I am so incredibly grateful for year seven...been waiting for six and they have been most sucktacular.  I wondered when it all started in 04 if it wasn't a major shift in EVERYTHING.  I know I needed it now and by resisting I really set myself up but I was so lost.  So lost in my own mind, in my habits and life I was no longer me.  What a freaking wake up call...truck to the head instead of brick- ugh!  HOWEVER...

it's over and I am in transition.  Truly.  I feel it everywhere.  The air is lighter, brighter, warmer.  The Universe is telling me I am ready.  As I type this the sun is getting brighter and brighter in this room until I am squinting.  I am not kidding.  It's like a million watt bulb was just turned on...it's incredible.  I can barely see the screen...just now dimming a bit and I feel very light and airy and tingly inside and got a blast of spring air in this closed room in January.  Thank you Universe...thank you Aunt Win!!  And now it has passed though the light is still quite bright and I am grateful yet again.  It's beautiful to feel the Universe shift because you learned and are willing to know more.  The lesson here is to believe...it has rained here and been very dark all morning so it's truly a moment to behold and it's happenning again right now. Hold on, can't see...Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I am working on everything.  I have some poundage that needs to go, some old thoughts with clingy cobwebs I am sweeping away and formulating a way to stay positive even in the most hateful places...like work.  They won't get me anymore...they can't- Creator said so- hah!!  So in this year of transition I shall do exactly that...start again in 12...which happens to be my fav number so I am REALLY tripped that it is year one of the new cycle though not surprised.  My birthday adds to seven this year so I know I'm there...next year adds to eight and rightfully shows the end of the past seven...welcome to my mind.  So, off I go into the new year, absolute in my belief that I am me again, surrounding myself with love and postive people and open to learning and loving freely.  Not feeding anything that grows like cancer...only that which blossoms like love.  I'm blossoming.

Namaste