Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. ~African Proverb
Today I choose the picture of the Phoenix as inspiration to rise above the past week or so. It has been hard and I am weary. I cried a lot of tears but here I am, writing and grateful.
I am learning to be love in all situations and it is hard. It is hard to be grateful when people can be so cruel. I keep persevering however...I have fallen but at least I keep getting up. In the "Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz he repeats many times to just keep getting up and trying because THAT is how new agreements become life as we live it. I shed so many tears this week. I work with some of the most hateful people on earth and that makes it very hard though I try to just offer it up (most of the time) and keep going. It wears on me and I start getting negative so I have to keep regrouping. To boot my dad got very ill this week so it's that much harder.
He had a cough for a few days but seemed like just a bad cold. Wednesday night he suddenly couldn't breathe. We got a foot of snow and he drops and goes blue-cue panic. We called 911 and thank goodness they could get to us. Ironically the exact same thing happened last year- same time and it was when we got almost 4 feet and the ambulance couldn't get here so I was SO grateful for less snow. He has COPD and congestive heart failure from smoking- public service announcement from me here...if you smoke, QUIT- so he goes from ok to not breathing very, very quickly. He's had it for a year but it's so hard to recognize and it hits very quickly and there is little warning. What is just a cold for some turns into an emergency for him literally in minutes- it is so frightening. This year the cold went into pneumonia in a matter of a day and caused his lungs to fill and his heart to fail. They took 16 lbs of fluid out of his lungs so far. Last year he fought us for two days and refused to go to the hospital. Not knowing what it was (he hadn't been diagnosed with either at that point) we relented. It almost killed him. He suddenly stopped breathing on us just like this year but then went septic and wound up with MRSA. This time he had no choice- go estrogen-lol!
So, work. I don't get mean people. I don't know why people want to hurt each other and make each other suffer. I am going to keep working really, really hard on staying positive and finding something to be grateful for in each situation. For what was done to me Thursday, I am just grateful that I am not the persons who did it to me. I am grateful I don't have the capacity to be cruel to someone like that AND so grateful that I am learning from so many wonderful people how to let things like this go and clear. I am trusting the Universe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now and I accept their black energy and send it back to the Universe as light to return to me with love. I am strong and I story to me that I am better than the negativity. I story that I can rise above it and float on love as I will not be there much longer because this is a learning experience for my higher purpose- that this is needed for my journey. I know I am going back to school and I am doing as Spirit wills and I am my purpose because I am worthy.
I am grateful to those of you who read and I send you love and light and peace. I feel so blessed to have you on this journey with me and that you care enough to walk with me on it. Namaste
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