This cartoon is a prime example of what pisses me off about the world we live in. We assume, used to include me, that people are fat because they choose to be. We assume the eat themselves that way and stay that way because they are lazy and have no goals. What we never ask is how they got that way- why don't we ask? Because they're fat so they don't warrant the same concern or love the rest do. It's sick really. We're so conditioned as to what is beautiful, we are so storied what the ideal is, we forget that what we see as beautiful now is what was considered sick. Look at the amazing paintings of ancient Rome- pudgy zoftic women. Know why Mona was smiling? She had a full belly.
A few years ago after my car accident I gained well over a hundred pounds from steroids and painkillers. I was too broken to work out and the HEAVY painkillers made me crave sugar to the extent I would eat sugar cubes out of the box. Not kidding- I actually ate sugar to quell it- was overwhelming. I took them because I was in agony and the beauty of being that stogified is you don't care you're buying new clothes...you don't care you're changing. You just care that you don't hurt. So, I wound up fat and addicted. It's been great.
The last two years I started working out when I could and of course stopped the painkillers cold turkey when I realized I had lost myself in them. I walked, tried to run, got a treadmill, changed my eating habits and have lost over 75 lbs. Yay me right? But I realized how easy it was to judge others again as I slid down in sizes from a 22 to a 12. Suddenly I saw fat again...and I found myself judging. Well, if she just got on a treadmill, if he just stopped eating candy bars...then I chose something else...to remember.
Let me tell you what being huge is like. Let me tell you about the jobs you don't get because you're out of breath on the steps following your potential boss to their office. Let me tell you how noone holds a door for you or looks you in the eye or talks to you in a bar when your skinny friends feel guilty enough to ask you to go with. Let me tell you how it feels to have folks snicker at you at a buffet. Let me tell you what it feels like to be alone, to never want to be asked out, to never worry about waiting for the phone to ring. Let me tell you how badly you want to die, let me tell you how much you don't care and why you don't spend money on clothes and why you don't get your hair cut or put makeup on. Let me tell you that not caring how you look is only because NOONE cares how you look because they never see beyond your big fat ass. It sucks-devastatingly.
I wish we could see each other inside, I wish we could only see spirit. I wish light shone thru skin so the folks who are the prettiest and the most popular are those who hold so much light they are blinding. I wish we could all see beyond skin sacks and bad habits and misfortunes to see the love in all shapes and sizes. I wish Hollywood would get chubby and promote love of ALL shapes and sizes and colors and creeds and religions so LOVE ruled instead of the "ideal".
I haven't lost much weight in the last few months. Everyone who sees me congratulates me and tells me I look like me again, one person said I looked beautiful again. I cried so hard after that- I was beautiful again??? Wasn't I always? I was still me, still funny, still talented but I realized invisible. I was bigger then I'd ever been and completely invisible. Unseen to the trained eye who has been storied as to what beauty is.
Fat folks don't always eat too much to get that way and who are we to judge I ask? Who are we to assume because we are thinner we have the right to assume their stories? When did fat and failure become synonymous? I tell everyone who will listen to me how badly it hurts to be the one being stared at for being perceived as awful and weak. I want to change the story because weight is destructive to our bodies. It causes diabetes and heart issues and all matter of muscle and joint problems but much deeper then that is causes a hate of self so deep and so destructive that the cycle becomes self destructive on purpose. I believe that if fat folks were told they are beautiful that way and LOVED they would choose to be life. They would choose to lose the weight because they are worth it, they are amazing and gifted and wonderful. Look at all the zoftic and amazing people talented beyond belief who have gifted us regardless of how we have judged or seen them. Look how many are gone due to drug use like Mama Cass or Chris Farley or Karen Carpenter (who killed herself because she was just so afraid of being fat) because we judged them to death. Aren't we the lucky ones that they didn't hate us the way we have judged them for not fitting the norm- imagine what we'd have missed!! Please, love thy neighbor...we are fearfully and wonderfully made...heard that today in a most unexpected place and it reminded me that we are. We are perfect.
Peace
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