Love is blind and human will is so flawed- truly. I recently saw a woman who used to be my best friend in this world. I would have done anything for her. I did actually. No matter what she needed I was there. Money...done- a LOT over the years-place to stay...done-shoulder to cry on...done. I loved her so I saw her as the human eye will- my way.
I came home four years ago broken and despairing. I needed her and I called several times just to talk- she was always busy always said she'd call or come over. I told her how much I needed her, I needed my best friend and finally, she came- once. When she finally showed she promised she'd be there for me like I always was for her. I wouldn't have to go it alone, she'd make sure I was ok...we'd meet a few times a month and just go out and spend time together. I am still waiting to hear from her again. I did find out she got married three years ago- I wasn't invited obviously. Now I wonder why I expected anything else? So many times over the years she let me down but I just kept loving her because I expected her to become what I wanted her to be. Where is that fair to her?
When I saw her I was angry until I realized I had no right to be because I knew what she was and just chose not to acknowledge it. I chose to believe what I wanted to. I storied she was by best friend knowing she was her best friend first deep down and HOPING she would return the love I sent. I now know you cannot be love and offer it conditionally with the price of getting it back in full- the Universe doesn't support that theory. I have been looking at the feelings and as my head cleared, I realized how sorry I am because she is who she never wanted to be and railed against. She is now hiding behind the small town Christian facade marching valiantly to Old Rugged Cross. She turned into one of the folks that uses the word "Christian" as an adjective when being love is a verb. Teaching Sunday school and sitting in church right up front every Sunday making the appearance and singing the loudest and then slinging the gossip while sharing cookies at the after service Sunday social.
I realize that Spirit gifted me by losing her. I asked that my life be guided by Spirit and that the will of the Universe should direct me, not my own will which is not reliable as to be human is to be erred. I am being supplied what and who I need and I am grateful. Betrayal is a story you tell yourself. If you say, "I am betrayed" you are. If you choose "I have been gifted" you are. Everything is a choice and every moment of your life is a story you choose. I story that I am open and I am grateful. Perspective is the choice you make not just how others see you.
Namaste
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